So what can you eat? Is there anything left? Do you have to do that forever? What are you going to do when you go out to a restaurant? What do you do when you go out on a date?
And who is this doctor that you went to that would prescribe such a diet?
Are you doing this for weight loss?
But I thought you were Celiac and gluten-free. Now Paleo too??
No cheese? How are you going to live? No candy? OMG. No added sugar? What do you mean?!
You can’t drink alcohol? When the eff are you gonna get off this diet so we can go out drinking?
Not even wine? Come on, wine never hurt anyone! Have some wine. “No thanks I’m good”. Come on just a sip.
What are you like a health nut now?
Do you even feel better on this diet?
What does it feel like to eliminate so much? What do you mean you can’t add sweetener to your coffee? What? No coffee? Only on occasion? How do you live? No milk? Whaat? You drink it black? Whaat? How. Why.!!!!! I could never.
Is it hard? It seems really hard. I could never do it. I love my sugar. I love my dairy, my grains etc. How are you even doing this diet? I could never. Oh no. Never.
What my phone conversation sounds like when I call Bareburger for takeout:
“I’ll have the Portobello burger with beef, medium well”.
“No, hold the bun. Yes, that is correct, I do not want the bread”.
Are you Celiac? “Yes”. We have Tapioca Rice bun. “Nope, no bun. I’ll have the lettuce bed”.
“Also hold the sauce”. No sauce? “Yep. No sauce”.
“And hold the cheese too”.
Ok, no cheese. Anything else?
“Maybe. What kind of sauce is your homemade slaw made with”?
What do you mean?
“I mean, what’s it marinated with?”
I don’t know. Can you hold on?…We use mustard.
“What kind of mustard? Is there sugar in it”?
At this point this guy is beyond annoyed that he has to answer so many questions he doesn’t know or ever thinks to know.
“Oh. Bummer, I can’t have that right now, that has added sugar, forget it-no slaw”.
Guy on the other end sounds very uncertain: So you want a beef burger with Portobello Mushroom on a lettuce bed with no bun, no sauce and no cheese?
You realize that’s just a beef patty with mushroom and lettuce. That’s all you want?
I then hear some serious hesitation and I have to say “I’m on a new lifestyle. I know it sounds bland, but my diet – It’s very simplistic”, just to justify my order.
Yes. This diet can be super frustrating. But it is also liberating!!! I feel great! This lifestyle is right for me right now. It has healed many of my health issues that mainstream doctors could not heal. It has completely reversed my Anemia, my reflux, my eczema, my fatigue, my confidence, my absorption, my brain fog. I feel like a shiny brand new me. My body; my temple feels better then it ever has before. I will continue this diet until every parcel of my body has completely healed along with a side of humor! Because without humor-this road will be very long.
These are some of the funny things I deal with on a day to day basis while on Paleo. For the most part this whole experience makes me laugh. As frustrating as an Elimination diet is, the end goal is so much bigger. The end goal is health. The end goal is to feel vibrant again. This is a journey. And a journey has wavy roads and flat roads. A journey has forests filled with trees. It is our duty as human being on this planet to figure out our paths, and that includes healing our bodies, and sometimes going gluten-free is not enough. Sometimes it involves more experimenting with lifestyle to heal our bodies from Auto-immune disorders. I can sit here and say I wish I didn’t have these problems, but then I wouldn’t be where I am today. And today is fantastic.